I found romance through my hobbies and many friends too. I used to go to science fiction conventions. After closing my business I have tons of time, though my funds are desperately depleted.
So now I'm on a quest for friendship. I'm golden with Internet buddies around the globe and though I know a few people here locally, I want more. When I posted this on my Facebook my friend Nancy said she hopes I find my tribe. That's it, I want a tribe.
For most non native American's their first tribe comes from their family of origin. Sorry sister and nieces who might read this, but the only one in my family I had anything in common with was my bad. He passed away not long ago. I hope to someday be as ornery and cantankerous as he was.
In the late 90's, when I still talked to my mother, I saw the way she was around people and I felt so sorry for her. She couldn't find much nice to say about anyone. Everyone let her down. When someone lets me down, I move away and have less contact. Not mom, she went back for more. She begged them to be reliable in a constant game of "prove to me the world is filled with assholes." Then she'd whine about it.
In 2000 I went to visit dad on Christmas day. We met at a northern Nevada lodge of a friend of his. We hadn't seen each other in a good 20 years. The lodge filled up with about 30 folks from around the area. Some of the women came over to find out who I was. My husband, Murry, said he could see the information ripple around the room. "Who's that with Gene?" "That's his daughter." Pointing and head nodding.
These people liked my dad and he was friendly toward them. He still had his own idea of a lot of things, but he got along. This struck a stark contrast in my mind. Of course I wanted to be around him more. He had his complaints, sure, and he had his pleasures. That's what I want. A multifaceted grouch.
Okay, we can do without gripe as our main focus! Here's what I want in a friend. Lets start with an open mind. I'd love to be around people who can consider, not necessarily settle on, all sides of a discussion. I think it's great to have standards and positions on topics. But I insist that people I am around at least think about what it might be like in someone else's shoes.
My tribe must be diverse. I love learning about new and interesting cultures. I don't care what god you pray to so long as you have that open mind I talked about. I am not changing my mind on atheism. I love to learn about different professions, hobbies and thoughts too.
I insist my tribe members embrace imperfection. We all need something to aspire to and I admire great beauty. I feel expecting nothing LESS than exactness limits appreciation of the here and now. I make glorious life altering mistakes. Sometimes they turn out to be the best thing that ever happened. You never know where a lesson leads to more amazing experiences.
It'd be keen if someone had a little free time, a drivers license and car and an interest in local roaming. Mingus Park is a nice easy walk, so is a trip around the mall. I know there's a support group for blind people in the area. They used to meet at Baycrest Village.
I want to laugh to the point I may need adult diapers! My most treasured experiences happened around food. Since I'm being careful about what I eat, I'd like it to be healthy.
I want to try something new. Something I have never even considered. So long as it is kind to others and involves very little physical pain to me. Getting matching tattoos is out!
Do you have friend hunting thoughts? Where did you meet your besties? What did you do that made your funny bone ache??
Yes, I have friend hunting thoughts! I found my tribe by stepping out of my comfort zone to participate in a workshop that turned out to be something totally different than I had expected. In the workshop, I put my name on a phone list...something that I wouldn't normally do...and a woman who became one of my best friends ever called me a few days later.
ReplyDeleteAnother bestie, I met at the place my husband worked. I pursued her! She lived across the street from our apartment and I hung out with her every chance I had. I was so surprised when she welcomed my company. One day she brought along another woman she had met and the three of us formed a bond. We went camping and hiking together, spent days at the beach, went out to dinner dressed in outrageous outfits. The best thing was, we felt ourselves to be equals...the 3 of us liked and respected each other equally. And we laughed. At everything. We had a way of turning things on end and looking at it in new ways. Priceless!! But if one of us needed to cry, that was OK too. We made space for whatever was needed.
Nowadays I spend a lot of my time alone, and I'm happy with that. I do think about finding friends again, but I guess I'm biding my time. Life is a lot different at 67 than 33 and I don't have the same energy. I'm being very careful about what I wish for, as I have tended to bite off more than I want to chew. I definitely need friends who would energize rather than deplete me. We'll find each other or we won't and it's all good.
Thanks, Done, for making this a place where I can speak what's real.