Saturday, August 16, 2014
So Happy Together
As these were movies and not real life, eventually all of them worked it out. It was all a kind of "love abides" pile of hokum. Don't get me wrong, I'm a deeply emotional romantic. My problem with this film comes from it's over complicating something that's almost an equation.
I do love math and science, but I don't mean that kind of exercise. Making a romance work requires both parties to have mutual goals and dreams, a willingness to adjust to the other person's "bends" and a lot of being in the here and now.
In my opinion if those things are "work" then you're fundamentally with the wrong match. My marriage requires attention to how we connect and that means understanding. Care and adjustment move things along nice.
Murry and I discuss what we want to do often. Sometimes this involves a list we each draw up and then share and make a joint goal. Though sometimes we just say out loud what we want. I find things become more concrete, more "real" when they're committed to paper.
Once we've got a road map to where and what we want, it's time to sort who will do what parts. This is usually very informal. He drives, I pick the restaurant. He builds the counter from my design.
I guess SOME of our compatibility comes from happenstance, but I know big parts of it comes from intending to have someone who is handy. You get what you ask for from people.
When we fight, and we do occasionally, we both try and stick to the one topic at hand. We also try and keep everything about now. That isn't to say that "then" never comes up. The whole point of this blog is to explore a lot of "then" so I can live a better now. My emotions are mine, his are his.
If the present brings up a past pain, we deal with that in there now. Early on, we had a gripe about feeling let down. I thought he promised we would go out and he thought the plans were more fluid. Now, if I want to go somewhere, I just tell him where and when.
It's not my job to worry over if he doesn't want to do something. If he doesn't want to go where I want to go, when I want to go there, he can make a case for a different activity.
I expect to be treated with dignity and respect. I get that, because I would tolerate nothing less. We give each other space to be individuals AND a couple. Both AND. We are 100 percent whole people choosing to come together.
See? I knew numbers would come into this somewhere.
Kind comments encouraged.