I just had an idea. Not SUPER exciting but I think it'll be cool.
What is that about my mind, that I go to complain about something and I solve my own problem. It's way cool. Funny ole noggin I got.
I'll write it up and post later.
Maybe complaint has a value in life too. People tell you not to complain about stuff and I think maybe the rightness of that depends on who you are complaining to about what. "Waiter, please take away this cup it has lipstick on it and I am not wearing any," would be completely appropriate. Please, involving the manager if said waiter says something rude to you.
Complaining to your dinner guest, probably doesn't help anything. And it might spoil the mood.
So much of life is like that. Martha Beck writes that we can't expect the person who hurt us to help us solve the pain. They have their own problems and asking them to fix something they broke, is like expecting them to change personalities on our schedule. Ask someone else for help.
People do change, but in their own time and for their own reasons. Our influence on those changes has much more to do with them than us.
My best therapy person told me to use "When you.. I feel.. I would prefer..." As example of me to my husband; "When you went to the store I felt abandoned. I would prefer you let me know when you are leaving." I try and use it as much as I can.
Start thinking when you are complaining to effect change and when you are just making noises. Start asking yourself if nothing is changing, who would be a more appropriate person to talk to about it.
What do you have to complain about? What steps do you take to change what's going on? Do you ask yourself what benefit you get out of what is happening? Can you get the benefit in ways you like better?
Keep kind comments coming.
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