Stress

Sleep deprivation all by itself can lead to stress. Our cells need a chance to work on the "regular maintenance" without worrying over decisions and movement. Breath deep and set aside day to day problems, try herb teas like chamomile, have a nice glass of milk or a product called Calms Forte. Check here for all my resting comfy suggestions: Post on Sleep.

Just flat out slow down. Living the fast paced life so many modern people live acts as a tension tightener. Unplug. Turn off the TV and turn on the music. Drag out that ole dusty guitar you've been neglecting and just strum a few chords. Don't even tune it, just make some wonderful noise.

Holiday time has an especially frantic stress mode. Resist. Have a pot luck with friends instead of a fancy party. Find ways to laugh. Have your own comedy film festival and invite people you like to share the evening.

Just recently, we found a lost dog and took him to the pound. We felt good giving the owner a chance to find his pet, but we had such a positive feeling about him that if he hadn't been picked up we would take him home. Taking care of a dog has stress, indeed, but going for walks and having a friendly companion relieves more stress than it causes.

Help others. Just spend one hour a week giving to someone less fortunate than you are. Visit a nursing home and just talk to the guests there. I have an older friend that's a joy to know. I've never considered our friendship a charity because I get so much from it. Even if you might not feel caring toward someone else, do it anyway. If you cannot find an hour of time to spend in this way, you're seriously neglecting yourself.

For some of us who've survived incest, this next thing might sound radical. Get a massage. You may have to talk to several people and meet them in person before you find someone you trust. That's OK. A good massage experience will recharge your physical well being in amazing ways. (note to self: find a place to get one!)

I became familiar with massage through a loss. Some joker ran a red light and ran into my boyfriend's car. I had a pretty bruised chest, a banged up knee and sore neck. Someone suggested I see a chiropractor and I found one just down the road. She put heat on my back for a few minutes then sent me in for a massage.

At first I felt a little anxiety at being so exposed, but once I got used to the masseur, I really liked the feeling afterward. He used Arnica oil which is thought to improve healing. It did smell a little funky so I'd suggest asking it be combined with some other nicer smelling oils.

If you think you can't handle a stranger touching you so much, start with a hot shower or bath and rub your own hands and feet with your favorite lotion.

I hope some of this helps you get through your day a little easier. Please leave a comment with any special tips you found. Next post, I'll talk about anxiety as it relates to overwhelming childhood memories.

Anger

I sometimes have an anger problem. A friend recently asked me if I noticed that people who are in pain are often angry. Well DUH.

Lots of psychologists will tell you anger is a sign of something else. While I agree sometimes that's very true, I think there's plenty of legitimate times for anger to show its face.

I get angry that I have to work on my past. I didn't hurt anyone, but I am the one who has to sort out my feelings and grieve my losses. There's no "childhood trauma" insurance to pay 80 percent of my claim.

I've always thought it was a sign something has gone wrong. It seems to go hand in hand with physical or emotional pain. I feel it when my needs are left unmet. And it doesn't seem to matter if it's me or someone else who isn't providing what I need.

I get snippy when I forget to eat or eat only sugary bad for me foods. Sleep deprivation makes me loopy and hostile too.

My anger problem tends to abuse me first. Yes, I sometimes lash out at my kind and generous husband. Often with cause, but my response goes behind the offense. He knows, loves and trusts me and usually just gives me a minute to realize my crappy behavior and apologize.

Use your anger. Letting it fester makes a bigger problem. Use it as a road map to the disturbance in your inner peace. Embrace it not as a thing to perpetuate but as a signpost. Find the potholes and work on THEM. Make them a priorty in your life.

Try this when you feel the anger coming on:

1. Let it be real. We have feelings for a reason, honor them.

2. Express them in a safe way. Write them down in a journal, on a piece of paper or talk into a recording. Keep it private until you decide what to do about the feelings.

3. Challenge what you express. If you write that you hate someone, is that true or are you angry at them for breaking your prized china?

4. Only after you've challenged yourself, decide what to do about the anger. Take some time for this step. Be clear with yourself and others. For instance you might want to request that whoever broke your china replace the item. Consider that even irreplaceable objects can be replaced with a new sentiment. No, it wont be the "same," but it might be enough for you to find resolution.

5. Finally, repeat these steps as needed until you get to the place where you know why you are angry, what it is about and how you will react to it. Now let it go. That is not to say forget, but get to the place where anger leads to purposeful action.

Life gets better when we're free to express all of our emotions in a safe healthy way.

What's it all about Alfie?

Why? why? why? Why a blog, why these colors, why me, why now?

Lets start with the easy stuff. I started blogging late into the whole thing. My fondness for the internet led me into chatting and web surfing first. I did some web design in journalism class, but quite low tech. I did have a personal blog for a while, but it wasn't my idea at all.

A couple of years ago, I decided to start a movie review blog. I like to share my views on the really neat things my local library had to offer. I bumbled along tinkering with that for a while. Today it's got almost 600 posts. I do it to amuse myself and exercise my writing muscles.

"I thought, maybe it'd be fun to start a community where people could learn to live happier lives."

When I was promoting the movie blog, I came across other blogs that I really liked. I thought, maybe it'd be fun to start a community where people could learn to live happier lives.
I chose the colors for my own likes coupled with finding purple a prominent color for people who are working on recovering from a troubled childhood. The pale orange just seemed to compliment. These things may or may not change based on feedback. I'm pretty open to whatever works.

I'll share my history and plans in posts, and I hope you will too. I live online. It's A OK with me if you just pass through and lurk and participate when you can.

Finally, i thought about using my "real name," or some variation of the same as I want this to be an open and honest site. Then I decided my nickname of OiVey, both fit in with an aspect of this place and defined me as a person.

It's a Yiddish expression roughly translated means "oh, the pain." I'm not Jewish nor am I in pain any longer, but the expression just found it's way into my personality. It's me and I am it.

My genuine contact information will be clearly provided for all on a contacts page soon.

Lets all help each other learn to LIVE BRAVE!

My hopes and dreams

I've had a desire to help others for as long as I can remember. I started online groups and gathering places before. Only to have my dreams dashed over misunderstandings. In the coming weeks, I hope we can build a supportive and calming place to share our life goals and wishes.

I want an open and caring blog that will help others learn what I have. It's hard work to live through a painful, chaotic childhood. I'm here to tell you there are many paths to surviving. Many tools and examples of myself and others, who lived pain and came out whole.

Lets start living our best life today.

Learn to Survive and Thrive!

I survived a painful childhood that included neglectful erratic parents, violent caretakers and sick step-parents. I'll share my story as I go along with this blog. First some notes on the purpose of this space.

I found help through telling my story and hearing how other people found ways to cope. I hope to build a community of folks who want to heal too. No matter where you may be on your journey, lets see what we can do together.

Let me help.

John Bradshaw said he believed all the birds can be flying in the wrong direction. Yes, everyone has some level of family strife. Though all are welcome to participate in this community, I'm hoping to help people who are struggling from painful memories.

Even if you love your parents and you have a great relationship now, you may still need help sorting out how you feel about the past. Therapy can be an excellent tool. I heartily endorse using it along with support groups. I am not a trained counselor and will never pretend to be. I am just someone who survived and I can show you what I did.

If you survived physical or sexual abuse, neglect by means of substance abusing parent, this place is for you.

I believe that people do not make relationship decisions in a vacuum. So if you engage in self abuse as an adult, whether it be substance abuse or staying in a violent relationship, this is also the place for you.

Lets all learn about happiness together.

Sleep

These products help me get the rest I need to start tackling the past.

We'll begin with Chamomile or Sleepy Time tea. They make life mellow and calm and also have a reputation for helping with regularity. I haven't noticed this for myself, but maybe I don't drink enough.

I also found remedy in Calms Forte, an herbal supplement given to me by a chiropractor after an accident. It worked wonders and helped me get to sleep quicker than usual.

Finally, if you are a person who can tolerate dairy, try some milk or cheese. Yogurt might even work, I don't know I'm not a fan. I know it can also help with digestion.

Please check out these fine products from Amazon:

Celestial Seasonings Sweet Clementine Chamomile Organic Herb Tea (Package Count: 6)

HERB TEA SLEEPY TIME EXTRA

Hyland's - Calms Forte, 100 tablets

Have any sleep assistants of your own? Please share them with a comment.